How To Survive When Zombies Attack: An Essential Guide

We have been through alot together, and we have survived through some pretty major calamities.Such as my large and extremely useful list of guides on How To Survive When Aliens Attack, How To Survive A Drop Bear Attack, How To Lose At Online Dating, How To Survive When Nature Takes Over, How To Survive Facebook & Farmville & finally, How To Quickly Quit Your Day Job. We have been through a lot, otherwise you wouldn't be here reading my guides further if you hadn't survived now, would you?

There is still an essential guide required for that all out apocalyptic event thats sure to come at some time. Whether it be through a viral outbreak, some strange drug, or even a dreaded mutating disease or through a mysterious asteroid containing strange green gas. My bet is it will come through a science experiment gone horribly wrong!

Zombies.........

Bloody Zombies.......

Why oh why is there NEVER an apocalypse with bikini babes????? Well, if you have read all of my guides you know pretty much my first bunch of suggestions. If this is the first guide of mine your reading, progress onwards!

The very first thing to think about for surviving any big darn post apocalyptic something or other is to take care of the big three.

• Food
• Water
• Shelter

Everything else is secondary, they are also essential essentials, where all other secondary considerations are essential, got it? good :)

These are important because for long term survival of any apocalypse, these three are required and will benefit in the long term. Kind of like well, living in normal times really.
Now, there are also some extremely important, but thoroughly necessary other essential items required.

Right, Zombies, as we have come to know are slower and move ponderously on their own, yet are rather lethal in numbers and we aren't concentrating on what were doin. Zombies come in all shapes and sizes, are stealthy and usually continuously hungry for human brains or our flesh. Some have also the capacity to learn, so watch out for the smarter smarties, right. Some may also be altered due to gene manipulation, changes to DNA or just plain damn lucky zombies. But, that makes em smarter, faster, more cunning are definitely more lethal to us, so, peruse these secondary considerations once you have taken care of food, water and shelter (this may or may not be an ongoing concern)

• Watch Out For Being Bitten & Other Fluids - A big issue during one of these apocalypse is that usually, not only are zombie hordes dangerous on their own, they can also infect and create more zombies out of dead bodies, and more often from the living. Usually through a bite or dead body fluid transfer, once this happens, if you are alive when bit, your usually sh** out of luck in about 24 hours, as you become one......of.....THEM!!!!
  
• A Bloody Good Axe - always good for separating a head from shoulders. Zombies eem to be usually non effective once the brain is removed from the body. Quick, simple, effective.
• Guns & Munitions - same as above, remove brain, zombie stops. Helps to keep you from stray marauders as well once the law of the land becomes low brow.
• Grab your family - and get them the heck outta Dodge!
• Gasoline - good for the escape vehicle as well as a weapon against literally any zombie type. Fire has been an essential requirement since its discovery some time back.
• Chainsaw - a good addition/backup to the good ol trusty axe. You can switcheroony and chop and change, especially when you run outta gasoline, yet makes for quick and efficient work of those darn pesky, hard to stay down zombie types.
• Grocery Store - For foodstuffs, water and virtually all of the above. But grabbed canned food, lots and lots of bottled water and canned food.

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You need to be able to differentiate between all the different archetypes of zombies and get to know the basics of their behavior patterns, movements, habitat, interaction with others in a hoard and how to protect against such.

Obviously different conditions and initial infections or creations will produce different types of zombies. Its just all makes sense, that barrel of goo that makes a living person become dead and then into a flesh eating horror will differ from one that has been created by a strage rock falling from the sky leaking blue gas.

Standard Slow & Dumb Walking Dead

These guys (and girls) are slow and ponderous, on their own are not too dangerous, the fresher the corpse, the more they will moan and make noise, especially when there is fresh meat around. You have with long sleeve clothing which offers some protection from bites and scratches. They move slow, so can be easily outrun or knocked down. They move relentlessly though, so always be on the lookout. These are lethal in large number and can trap and corner you for the kill.

Stop method - Brain removal, through head decapitation or destruction by speed projectile

Avoidance meter - 6 / 10

Chemical, Nuclear or Biological Zombie

Now these ones are more lethal than the above, usually as these guys are infected by some sort of chemical or biological gas that reanimates dead tissue. Unlike the standard zombie, which usually comes about coz Hell run out of room, these guys are strong, highly infectious, more mobile and have much more cunning and hunt well in packs.

Dominated by a leader type, avoid these at all costs.

Stop method - Brain removal, through head decapitation or destruction by speed projectile and then destroying the remains with acid. DO NOT breath the resulting gases.

Avoidance meter - 7 / 10

The Altered DNA Zombie

These guys are the DEFCON 5 of the world of undead. Dramatcially lethal, even on their own are extremely dangerous.

They usually hunt with purpose, will use extreme intelligence and track down their prey with unrelenting focus. They are dangerous to groups as they will usually separate the weaker members from the pack and do so usually at night, making hunting them and protecting against them an almost no win situation when out in the open.

They have heightened senses, extreme patience, are very quiet and will strike when the opportunity is ripe. They are highly intelligent and will usually be territorial of a location they call home.

The problem is usually these SOB's have come about due to some scientist making a gene therapy discovery that actually ends up altering and reanimating and making stronger, dead tissue. Complete and utter destruction of all tissue is required to destroy these mungrels.

Stop method - Thorough destruction of all tissue, destruction by speed projectile does not work will only slow them slightly. One must destroy the remains with acid or fire. DO NOT breath the resulting gases.

Avoidance meter - 10 / 10

Well for starters, if bitten, treat bites as one usually treats for such wounds.

But I will stress this, keep these people away from all other living people. They are now a liability, apart from the arguments of morality and to and fro conversations about, maybe they will be OK. They are not, sorry, but in under 24 hours, will will become something different and will be lethal and dangerous in under 24 hours. Especially to any groups of people holing up indoors.

These people are no longer people when they become infected, one they 'turn', they follow baser instincts to feed on living human flesh. Then that's another whole can of whoop-ass thats ripe for issue if you don't deal with it quick.